The real flirting guide (Woman flirting)

Hi friends,

The following is written only as comedy and should be taken as such. Any relevance to me being a sexist pig is completely accurate so...

While I am man, proud male with plenty of testosterone hormones, through and through, I so see the flirt actions off woman (I wish). The little hint in their eyes, the soft touch off the arm, the drool hanging from their face when they see a better looking guy walk by.

Lets talk about the flirting actions of ladies people!

Look at the size off his wallet!

It's true, woman want money. But not the "pay to have sex" kind, no they want a guy that is financially secure. Somebody that can afford (their) nice clothes, drives (their) a good car, and has a good (not theirs) job. The nice ass, six pack and large cock helps also. Mostly thought they want a guy that can get things done (for them).

Next to this woman think about sex a lot also. Remember the spam email that went around some time ago that men think about sex every 3 seconds. Well here the truth;

"Study of young adult men and women revealed that men thought about sex on an average 19 times a day. Some of the men, however, recorded 388 sexual thoughts a day.

Men were also found thinking about food 18 times a day and thinking of sleep around 11 times a day."

Woman think about sex half as much as men, but the reason for this is because they think more about food then men. So men want your woman to think off sex, feed her!

Sexy?

But ok lets look at the flirting of woman. It usually starts with her walking by and giving you a sexy look, or a certain body movement.

This

Not this

This

NOT THIS!

And run....

Woman flirt in many ways, but common are the eyes, smile, lips and body movement. Look for the signs. 

Once she is closer to you look for the new signs, she touches your arm, laughs at your jokes about dead grandparents and is very interested in your job as a carpet cleaner. She will give you small hints like 'Can you buy me a drink", "I'm not drunk enough yet, I can still see you" and "I'm too drunk to care lets go to your place",

Woman enjoy usually the company off other woman when they are moving about. Herds off these can be seen as they seek protection in numbers out in the wild. When a herd is spotted by a male they usually form what is known as "The Circle". This is to make sure no male can enter into the near vicinity off one off their fellow females.

Uhm... yeah....

These circles are usually seen at dancing events where large hunting parties off Alpha males are present. When a woman sees an Alpha male she likes she will find a way to break the circle and get the man inside. Once inside the other females will judge the male based on looks, wallet size and nose hair growth. Once the male clears this test he will be tested on dancing skills, at this time other females may join in to try to seduce the male for themselves. The male has become prime target and an unspoken battle may erupt. When the battle is over the male may lay himself with the female off his choosing. If lucky multiple females may join in if they agree to be slutty enough.

He doesn't know he's not the only one with a slong.

Woman want to feel sexy, and usually picking a male that boosts this, is what they prefer. They want a man that makes other woman go "Slut". Jealousy is at the heart off every woman, and so they choose that what can make others most jealous.

In short, gay.

Next step off flirting is the "wheel them in". This is usually done with one liners like "I'm veeeeeeery flexible.", "I got no gag reflex", "My friend and I love to experiment", "I have toys", and many many more.

Also handy as a table.

Usually if the guy does not get it yet by now the girl will know for sure you are gay and you lost your chance.

Well friends, sucks to be you.