No not talking about pleasure for sex three times in a row, I'm talking about the time off the year called "Christmas".
NO, now you must punish me....
You know the time that makes every kid a toy crazed zombie, moms a shopping alcoholic and dads overworked slaves that hand over their money (If we take a tv family, else it will also be the mothers money and Juniors income from crack sales).
I miss you money!
Now for some holiday cheer.
HMMMMMMMMMM X 10
And one for the female "reader"(s)?
Ok now that I have your attention, or you ran away from the last picture. Lets discus this overly hyped holiday that somehow started not even too long ago. Lets start with the real story off "Christmas" as we know it.
It was the night before I started this article, and all was well. Not a creature was farting, but what the hell. Nacho's a plenty, and cheese on top. So delicious I could not stop. Then I saw some junk mail, some spam you might say. It was letters from the local shops, buy buy buy they all wanted to say. It is Christmas so it is time to spend. Spend all your hard earned cash my friend. If you do not buy your family, friends and loved ones presents like all the years. They will all crumble and die in tears.
Or will they?
The original date of the celebration in Eastern Christianity was January 6, hear that not December. Also Eastern Christianity comprises the Christian traditions and churches that developed in the Balkans, Eastern Europe, Asia Minor, the Middle East, Northeastern Africa, India and parts of the Far East over several centuries of religious antiquity. Did you see the North pole in there?
However in the early-to-mid 4th century, the Western Christian Church first placed Christmas on December 25, a date later adopted also in the East (See above Eastern Christianity.). Another interesting fact the precise day of Jesus’ birth, which historians place between 7 and 2 BC, is unknown. They just came together and said "lets pick December 25th", they have a 1 in 2491 chance off having it right. That is if you count 356 days in a year and 7 years to choose from as they are not sure when he was born apparently.
Now that we messed with the date enough, lets mess with the decorations. " In the 15th century, it was recorded that in London it was the custom at Christmas for every house and all the parish churches to be "decked with holm, ivy, bays, and whatsoever the season of the year afforded to be green"". Apparently they started decorating houses with whatever green they could find. See nothing about gifts, bells, candy, reindeer yet right, I also got no clue what holm is look it up yourself!
Look at all the decorations, and snowman, and Santa... I don't see them either.
The English language phrase "Christmas tree" is first recorded in 1835, yes we finally start chopping down live giving trees now for other uses then building, warmth, cooking food, wagons, boats and small toys. Yet we still do not give toys to kids just yet it seems.
They didn't buy theirs!
The traditional greeting reads "wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year", much like that of the first commercial Christmas card, produced by Sir Henry Cole in London in 1843. We see finally people spending some money, be it only for cards. But it's a start!
Still no Santa, how strange
The first commercially produced decorations appeared in Germany in the 1860s, inspired by paper chains made by children. Kids making things for Christmas, well it is a start, still no real gift giving or devouring off candy till you poop sugar canes!
The most famous and pervasive of these figures in modern celebration worldwide is Santa Claus, a mythical gift bringer, dressed in red, whose origins have diverse sources. The name Santa Claus can be traced back to the Dutch Sinterklaas, which means simply Saint Nicholas.
We made Santa.... (It all makes sense now).
Nicholas was Bishop of Myra, in modern day Turkey, during the 4th century. Among other saintly attributes, he was noted for the care of children, generosity, and the giving of gifts. His feast on December 6 came to be celebrated in many countries with the giving of gifts. So Santa was giving gifts on December 6th, makes sense as the Dutch holiday of Sinterklaas is on December 5th and 6th. So why did the other Santa get 25th?
I really do not know....?
Well Santa it seems that in 16th–17th century Europe, many Protestants changed the gift bringer to the Christ Child or Christkindl, corrupted in English to Kris Kringle, and the date of giving gifts changed from December 6 to Christmas Eve
The modern popular image of Santa Claus, however, was created in the United States, and in particular in New York. The transformation was accomplished with the aid of notable contributors including Washington Irving and the German-American cartoonist Thomas Nast (1840–1902).
At his first American appearance in 1810, Santa Claus was drawn in bishops' robes. However as new artists took over, Santa Claus developed more secular attire. Father Christmas, a jolly, well nourished, bearded man who typified the spirit of good cheer at Christmas, predates the Santa Claus character. He is first recorded in early 17th century England, but was associated with holiday merrymaking and drunkenness rather than the bringing of gifts.
Somehow like him better this way.
After this slowly people started spending more and more money on gifts, cards and other useless things to celebrate a drunk man in robes. Apparently it was not till the economic boom after world war 2 that stores went nuts and started to bring out Christmas "Specials" you know 5% off on items 50% overpriced. Since then many have spend tons off money on Christmas.
Christmas has turned into a juggernaut for capitalism. It has become one off the many holidays where money is really the main theme now (same for valentine, eastern bunny, birthdays). Not saying it not nice getting gifts, it great to celebrate giving gifts. But why must they be $900 phones and $1200 tablets, or spend hundreds of dollars on decorations. What wrong with letting your kids make things from paper. What wrong with just saying merry Christmas and enjoy each other company.
I'm sounding maybe like a scrooge but I find that a line should be drawn somewhere. Let's start caring again about each other, about creating a better understanding and give the gift off a smile.
Well friends, Merry Christmas soon to come.