January 16, 2011

Lets go to the beach

Hi friends,

So many people in the weekend seem to feel the need to drive to the beach. The warm sun and cool waters begging them to jump massively into their cars and drive away from their televisions and microwaves. Bringing with them radios, telephones (usually with some form of build in internet), and BBQ (Also known as chicken burners, because lets face it, it ain't a beach till you had sand in your chicken. For farmers planning a day, leave that chicken at home, it does not like water as much as you think it does).

I see many driving with their cars packed full of plastic cool boxes filled with beer, beer, and some ice, maybe some chips and a copy of that book you always wanted to finish reading but never seemed to have the time to do it because that show is on TV.

As I drive behind the beach tourist, I always notice the same things. Let us watch.

How to detect beach tourists;

1. The beach tourist always has a car that too small for the amount of people going to the beach. The beach tourist will pack the car so full it is technically a road hazard. No longer can the back windshield be used as the plastic toys and beach gear are blocking any and all view of traffic. The amount of people in the beach tourist his or her car is always 4 or more, usually 1 or 2 of these are hanging their feet out of the car hoping for some magical cure for foot fungus.

2. The beach tourist when driving to the beach will always drive slower and slower when they reach closer and closer to their destination. They usually will also make 1 or 2 stops for items they might have forgotten. Even when the trip was planned 2 years in advanced, with power point presentation and a detail brochure made out. The beach tourist will still always stop at a snack to buy beer and chips, cola or juice is possible as well. Even when the items are 4 times over priced at the snack and would have been much cheaper to buy before hand, the beach tourist will still feel the need to buy these last minute.

3. The beach tourist will always be late at the beach, many locals know that the beach is a place you need to get to fast to be able to get some shade. The beach tourist on the other hand believes the beach will not be busy in the weekend and so will arrive usually around 11AM. Around this time most locals have already opened their 9th polar, as well have started up the BBQ for the sandy chicken.

4. The beach tourist will always look around nervously when close to a group of young children. The believe of placing ones wallet and jewelry in their shoe is as all locals know well placed. We thank the tourist many times over when we take these shoes.

5. The beach tourist will always put on sun block. Yes the Caribbean sun is hot and can be unforgiving, still most tourist forget to re-apply after swimming. Also sun bathing for 5 hours on your first day is just not smart, unless you wish to become crispy fried. This so creates the lobster effect on the beach tourist. As many can easy distinguish the beach tourist now in a crowd, easy to now follow in the dark. Many know the detailed red and white markings of sun glasses, hats and bathing wear. Now with the beach tourist marked we can start the favorite sport of atrako*.

While most beach tourists are from outside the Island we still have plenty that also live on it. Many of the beach tourists will drive from Banda Riba to Banda Bau for a day of fun in the sun. These beach tourists are also known as "annoying". They come to Banda Bau usually complaining how far it is to drive, as it is clear that anything over 15 minutes driving is to far indeed (Anything over 10 minutes is usually already enough to complain, however some cars can reach further without breaking down). Then the complaining will continue about the roads, food, weather, people, chicken and sand in said chicken. Then when arriving at the actual beach they will find it to busy, drink some polar and drive back home repeating the same they said when driving over.

There are many more ways to detect the beach tourist, however these are the most clear and easy to spot.

So my friends, see you at the beach.

*Atrako: Lets rob them morons.

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