A day in the waiting heat (Also known as the howto guide of going to the doctor on Curacao)Hello again friends, annoying ain't I.
As many know I'm sick, I finally know what I got, this is different then what I know I had, others think I know I have or had and others know that they think others think I have but don't except on Fridays then it's a maybe.
Prepare to be amazed, I saw my house doctor. Well I tried to actually but was not that successful.
As I pick up the phone something wonderful happened but did not. The calling to the doctor was for what not. He was on vacation gone and away. But he had a back-up waiting or so they say. On the mountains past the hills, in the evil lair he decides the potions and pills. So I left with the map at hand, going to the last doctor of the land.
Translation, my doctor was on vacation but I had to get the papers from him to go see the standby one.
I so drive with much glee, to get the papers that tell about me. Medical and voodoo science they contain, which would much have to explain. So I rush into the chambers to retrieve my documentation. Alas, I was alone, or was it my imagination. A sound I made, "Hello" I shout. From the shadows a troll came out. What must thou want, what must thou have. My medical papers madam(a guess), curious laugh. She snorted she laughed, while she checked the files she had. Here you are, be gone. Right away I said, so long.
Translation, I went to get the papers but the building was empty, finally after a bit of waiting and some screaming. And almost finding out if a chair is enough to go through a brick wall. I was able to get my papers from the friendly troll lady.
Sick am i of writing in this way, so I'm just going to make it go away.
Translation, ENOUGH OF THE DAMN RHYMING. Thank you.
So I finally got to the medical center, which was the back up doctor for my family doctor. I get there and see only 3 cars parked. My brain rejoices, it dances and sings and thinks about all the happiness this brings( STOP RHYMING!). As I get out of my car I hear voices, other then those in my head. I walk towards the entrance, or so I thought, to be guided by an elderly gentleman to the real entrance. "The one in front is locked up" he tells me. On the side I see the real entrance and what do I see, a room full of people before me (Last Warning). "Damnit" I hear my brain tell me while it tries to seize up. I look around and see several chairs free, all of them made of wood and crafted in the most uncomfortable of ways imaginable. Torture equipment would be nicer on the ass then those chairs. Ok I think, let me check in with the doctors assistant. Where do I check in, I look around confused, almost begging for help. An elderly lady saw me, and most likely thought I was retarded as she pointed to my left. I see too the left, behind a protective wall a small glass window that is mostly covered up with paper saying in Papiamentu what the opening times are and etc. I look through what basically is an opening the size of half an A4 piece of paper, some movement. I tell the ghost in the dark "bon dia" (Means Good Morning, or Good morning @#!% depending how said with maybe extra words), the shadow moves forward and asks how she can help me. I inform the shadow that I need the doctor to check me out. After a brief exchange of papers, a nice selling of souls, drinking of warm goat blood, she asks me to sit down.
The chairs, I'll tell you it again, the chairs. These chairs are made of wood, which should not be to bad right. Well small metal pins hold them together. Sit on one and it is like you are on a magical haunted house ride of anal torture. I was going left to right trying to find my balance, while the wood below was frightening my buttocks by opening and closing really tightly. At many points did it indeed pinch me. Such joy, such fun, anal rape by chair.
But my friends, this was not the only thing that made this stay at the doctor so enjoyable, no no. Not at all the only thing. As I waited swirling away on the fu nhouse chairs. I looked around me, "NO TV" my brain shouted out. I panicked and looked around, no entertainment at all (If you wish to count the chairs entertainment then go ahead and help yourself). Ok calm down, there must be some kind of books or magazines. I tried to put on my best pain induced smile and looked around. Wall, chair, lady on chair in pain, wall, ceiling, wall, lady enjoying chair, moving on... After a quick scan I saw no magazines, not even toys, nothing at all but an empty waiting room.
My brain at this time was in kill mode. Not to kill people, not to kill time, no my friends it wanted to kill me. "Why the hell did you not bring anything with you". Seriously I thought there would at least be a 35 year old magazine saying we all will have flying cars by 2010. So in came boredom (as the people around me where not attractive, or funny enough, to keep my interest). I stared at the floor till it almost stared back at me. I noticed I was getting also hotter by the minute. Fever, no, what then? No airflow, all windows in the waiting room where closed (and welded shut). The only airflow was coming from the door opening, and all pain chairs in front of it were taken. Yeeh for me.
While sweating away I noticed something else that was strange. Next to no air movement there was no people movement either, not even a slight zombie brain yearn. Nobody was going in or out of the doctors office for at least 40 minutes already. Suddenly a door opened and an old man walks out, with the smell of shit behind him and the sound of a toilet flushing. At least you found the toilets old boy, to bad they can not be used until they have been quarantined and neutralized by the CDC.
After the first hour finally the doctor office opens and a young girl comes out and happily walks out the door. Well doctor you sly fox you. The elderly man that had gone to the toilet walked into the doctor office and closed the door. Well doctor hope you wash your hands you.
At least there was movement, some, I timed how long the consolidations where taking.
Old man about 25 Min
Creepy one armed lady 30 Min
Old hog with child 25 Min
Lady with fake cough (I would know by now) 15 Min
anyway this kept on going till all about 12 before where done. which took about 4 hours for the doctor to do. Finally it was my turn, a miracle. I walk to the door, go in the door, close the door, stare at the door, turn around. And see a clearly to small of a room, almost completely empty but a chair, a desk, an old man, and another pain chair of wooden hell. Guess where I got to sit.
Welcome, the doctor said, please sit down. Great thanks doc, come for you illness get one free ass pain extra (If illness already ass pain it will guaranteed be made worse or money back!).
The doctor looks at me and asks what wrong. Well doc I keep coughing, it hurts, I can;t sleep and lately the mucus turned into a funky yellow/green. Oooh dear the doctor tells me, he gets a piece of paper, draws a unicorn, throws it over a rainbow, does a hand stand and writes down one week treatment with antibiotics and the best coughing syrup SVB money can buy. All this without a single check, no lights in my mouth, no wooden sticks, nothing. My guess is the chairs check up (wow nice pun) on you before you enter (hey again) the doctors office.
So after 4 hours waiting, and a consult of 7 minutes, I go to the botica for my drugs. The kind fella that hands them to me explains the nice yellow pills I need to take once a day. The red fun drink I need to take 3 times a day. The down side to the red drink might be a lot of ass gas (No problem I sleep alone) or nice constipation (crap, or no crap actually). He advices of that the case to eat prunes and or papaya.
So you might want to know what it is I got, well it is an infection of the airway. And now I got great meds with plenty of warnings to inform me not to operate any heavy equipment. Also one tells me I might get Diarrhoea (It is actually written in that way, look it up, seems to nicely counter the effects of the red drink).
Well my friends, I hope to be well soon now.
The lesson learned, something about bring your own entertainment and cooling units. That or make an appointment (Which I tried but my regular doctor is on vacation.. Thanks Doc... I'll get you a special chair for your birthday)