February 10, 2011

Curacao Flirting Guide (For woman)

Hi friends,

Well here I am again wondering what to write about next. I was wondering so hard that I almost fell asleep. Intense concentration is not my thing, and neither is flirting. So there we go, my next article.

Flirting, Curacao style.

Well not really flirting, but more who not to flirt with. So guess it is the who not to flirt guide (for woman).

I've been an observer for almost all my life, with this I mean I watch, I analyze I deduct and I laugh my ass off. So when I go out into the wet and wild dating scene around me I mostly do nothing but watch. Yes I am one of those people that does not know what is happening when a girl flirts with him. They come to me, look me in my eyes, wink, tell me they find me sweet, give me a hug, little kiss on the cheek and before you know it they are naked in front of me with a picture of my face tattooed on their ass. And of course I got no clue what is going on and ask her if she thinks I am a good "friend" to her. It is usually at this time the girl gives herself a face slap, walks off with some random guy while cursing my name for all eternity and wishing pointy things will be stabbed into my orifices forever and ever. 

Like I was saying, I analyze other people more and I find that many people have different ways to get and be noticed.

For today I'm writing for the female half of our world, what are the guys out there like! Let us find out shall we.

The mysterious guy,

The mysterious guy will never really be to funny, he will never explain who he really is. He will just be there saying some random things, not really making people laugh. But more showing his presence. He will sometimes ask a girl to dance where he will look as serious as possible. He usually does nothing foolish and will always try to keep his "cool". The mysterious guy is secretly a player and an asshole that usually has no character whatsoever. He's not being mysterious by choice, he's being mysterious because it is the last chance he has to get a girl. This usually means he has screwed around so much he can only try to get tourists.

The pusher guy,

The pusher guy will usually look for girls that look like they are having fun with some guy. Then get in between her and him and do whatever it takes, lie, cheat, mangle, trick, annoy, to get the girl to notice him. He usually has a giant grin on his face and looks like the wolf from the "3 little pigs" story. The pusher always will try to dance with the girl to attempt to grab whatever he can while grinding his jeans away. When finished dancing he will attempt to lure the girl away from her friends to a more secluded area and lie some more. Usually the pusher will go for the girls that look the most slutty or drunk. The pusher also will go for the girl just to get to her friend, or get both. The pusher has the brain capacity to be smart but usually is to much of a moron to know better. His head is usually filled with "I need sex" or "I need to get drunk". The pusher is easily identified on the dance floor as he usually stands between other guys and points at the girls while laughing at the guys around him, and then walk towards the girl. The pusher weapon of choice is to lie till he's inside some panties.

The "but I love you" guy,
The "but I love you" guy is sneaky, very sneaky. He will try anything to make the girl fall for him, mostly because he wants that first month of feeling perfect. It is his heroine, it is his drug of life. He needs to have the feeling that she is the perfect one for him in every way. This usually starts with him telling her she is his soul mate even when they only just met. She likes onions, he loves onions. She loves puppies on fire, he loves setting them on fire. This goes on and on till she believes him. Then things turn around faster then you can say "I'm done".  You want to go to the movies, he's tired and then goes out with his friends. You want a romantic dinner together, he brings home Mac Donald's and then yells at you that you complain. Within a week he will drop some kind of line like, "you're trying to change me" or "you never seem to care". He will attempt to make everything your fault even when it lies with him. And before you know it he comes home with lipstick on his shirt and a story that his grandma (Who's been dead for 5 years) gave him that kiss. You believe him because hey "He's your soul mate". One week later you see him walking down the road hands in hands with some other girl that he now calls his "Soulmate". These guys are hard to notice, but usually they want things to fast and keep promising everything and giving nothing. Watch out for the clear signs that he no longer goes with you to public places, this might indicate he's either a criminal or just scared he might be noticed with you.

The catcher guy

The catcher guy sees it as his personal responsibility to capture you no matter what. Even if you see him as a total asshole he will buy you candy and flowers and try to make you alienate your friends. He makes many promises and at first will make them come true. But soon enough you find yourself without friends, alone and he's off capturing some other girl he can not get. He's the type of person that always wants what he can not have. He will try to get girls from anybody no matter if in relationship, married or even of their best friend. He will always explain it to himself that he's doing the right thing. He lives in a dream world where he's the Casanova of Casanovas and all woman should bow before him. This type of person is very easily found, he will try to get to one girl and jump to the next when he can't even get a hello out of her. 

And as always all of them have the same call sound they use for mating. The all famous "PSSSSSSSSSSSST" is heard everywhere and they all believe it works. Most guys that use this are however one of the ones described above. Or they are one of the ones I am to lazy to write about right now.

You may ask right now, who are you then. Well me, I am the funny guy that takes it to far. Who is that you may ask, well will write about that soon enough.

Well friends, please, sent bail!

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