Welcome, welcome, take a seat and sit down. Today we're going to discus "How not to be funny". You might think "What the *Bleep* this mother*Bleeper* talking about. Is he completely *Bleep* *Bleeping* *Bleep* Sheep *Bleeper* *BLEEPING* *Blept* *Blop* monkey *Bleeps*?!". The short answer, yes I am and I'm completely ok with it.
Many people try to be funny and fail horrible, that is because they are trying so hard to make a person laugh they forget that they are just not funny.
Let start with some visual training and examples shall we. Please observe the following images.
Dog enjoying fan, funny as the ears are so long and it slightly smiling. Look at him, he so enjoying the cold air. Just makes you want to get a fan and grow long ears.
Screw it, not funny enough to even make fun off!
The movie "Year One", NOT funny. This movie gives the same taste as dried up blood. The movie, and its actors should really just stop trying so hard. The image might look funny as it is, but trust me this movie it will give you a brain tumor if watched to long.
What that light beer doing in the top right! PUSSIES!
Messing around with your drunk friend can be very funny, putting his drunk ass on the internet even more so.
My dad was a lonely fisherman!
Carrot Top, he's not even funny while being drunk. Seriously look at him, he has to be part fish.
Yeah, love at first sight!
So what did we learn from the above examples? If you answered "Being funny is hard and a complex issue" then you have hope. If you answered "Who the hell is Carrot Top" then you have great potential!
Being funny involves a few key elements. Lets go over a few important ones.
Making fun off oneself!
What? Why you looking like that! I mean it!
Yes it is that basic, the most ancient of humor is the humor of showing that you are making the wrong choices at the right times. But this is still an art form, and if one is too perfect the art it will take years of practice, I think.
Acting stupid helps, being stupid even more so as long as you can fake intelligence. If you can not, then lying about it helps also. If all else fails you can even try to convince them you wanted to do whatever you did and so come over as a comic genius, or a complete jackass.
How to know a guy is gay!
Come out of a strange corner. Do something nobody ever thought you would do. I do not mean go completely naked and direct traffic with your private parts. No by no means do that. Instead try changing your voice a little when answering the phone. Walk different when you see a person. Give your friends a salute, or if a girl a gentle bow of grace. You will see that small things all together can make many laugh loudly rolling over the floor. But never take it too far, never keep doing it too long and never take off you clothes! Unless you're being paid for it, I would think!
He laughs now, but soon he will be eaten!
Make things bigger, longer, huger then they really are. With that I mean if somebody asks you how long you been waiting in line you can say "An eternity and more". Simple, effective and stupid in many ways. Still it makes a great conversation starter and makes the contact good right away. Use it, but don't abuse it. Don't tell the person for instance "I've been waiting an eternity for you", we're not here to pick up woman (or man) we're here to see what is funny. The problem with this is you need a quick mind, and takes a lot of practice, I hope.
There's a dog on who's head?
Acting funny, it brings many aspects of being funny together into one little show. And I do mean little show, it takes great comic genius to keep an act up long enough and still be funny. And you my friend are no comic genius, if you think you are you are most likely Carrot Top and should stop!
Acting funny sounds easy, but it takes good timing. If for example somebody tells you to go get something you could hunch your back, make your face all twisted and stupid looking and with a humpback kind of voice just say "Yes master!".
Then just limp away while the room laughs it up.
By no means say something like "Mein Fur!" and hold your hand up in salute to 50's Germany. That is just not a joke that will come over well. Unless you are a group of Nazi rednecks. And that is just not funny and never will be.
So how not to be funny, well just don't do any of the above.
There's more of course, but I'm all out of funny at this time. So I leave you all once again for now.
So what I learned my friends? Being funny is hard work, takes practice and there's little room for mistakes, I think.
See you when I see you, unless it too dark, then I might feel you!