Woman (The mysteries of the universe are easier explained!)

Hi friends,

Welcome to another part of the dating guide that means nothing yet contains something, and somehow was created by me.

Today I'm going to talk about the amazing imaginary creature that was dreamed up by mans inability to speak normal with alcohol. And the huge amount of creativity that flows from the same substance. Yes you have guessed it. It's time for, "The Curacao Outsider Woman's Guide" (Trademark pending). Which means even less then what the words would mean (Yeah, not sure either).

So as every guy knows, talking to woman is a mission on itself. First contact is hard to make if the guy is shy. For this reason shy guys usually blend into the background while the more upfront seem to be able to get closer. For argument sake we say you are a more in the middle personality and you do dare to speak to woman, which means you are not this guy.

For those that got no idea who it is, or what I am talking about, go watch "The Big Bang Theory".

So how do you go and talk to a girl, making actual normal conversation and not sound like a total moron? No idea, but I'm going to make a wild guess anyway.

The Flirt,

Everybody knows this type of girl, she loves to flirt, get what she wants and will never give anything back. She will look at you innocently, run her finger through your hair and before you know it you spend $50 on her drinks and those for her boyfriend. She will call you to pick her up and drop her off, all the time while she's in the car she's talking wildly on her phone. Then when she gets out, she waves to some guy and leaves you behind wondering when you will be that guy. Well my friend, never. She the type of girl your mamas mama warned your dads uncle about that one time. The only type of guy that can get the flirt is the guy that is the biggest asshole around. But hey, in the end, they are perfect together.

The flirt can easily be detected at parties, just look for the trademarks. Lot of girls around, slutty clothes, a look on the face like "Buy me drinks, make me drunk, and you might get to know my name.".


The Unknown,

The unknown girl is the one that almost never goes out, has few friends and usually believes she does not look that great. She deepens her personality towards the dark by believing nobody will like her anyway. Usually wearing clothing that does not suit her, she somehow just disappears into the background. She usually has many things she is into, and so spends her time in specialty clubs. Believing she is growing her creativity while making the worlds ugliest paintings, or just creating the newest poem that can be classified as a weapon of war. Usually she does not care about what she looks like, how hairy her arms are. Or that lost tribes live in the bush down under.

Most guys find these girls by "accident" and they peak their interest because they act mysterious. But soon discover they show no interest into the world of dating, mostly by believing they are un-datable. Some may be converted towards the more light side, but it takes work lot and lots of work. Be prepared for bumpy rides, and not talking about the ones in the bed. For those that do make it to the bed, bring a bushwhacker and some kind of bug spray.


The Zombie,

The zombie girl, she is always just there. Hangs around. Why is she there? What does she want? Is there a reason why she the one taking all the pictures but never in them? She never with a  guy yet never seems to look a guy in the eyes! You talk to her she talks back, but is is mostly filled with empty content yet you been talking for 30 minutes. She's the type of girl that if she would just wear slightly better clothing, maybe even a bra to get those boobs off the pavement, she would look "ok". And if she would start working out even a little she would look way better. Instead she seems to just be there and never care.

How do you notice her, easy, she's just there. She just walks with the group, talks like an empty balloon of air. She has no opinion because for that you need a character. You're better off getting a cute puppy, the love you will receive from the little critter will be more love then this kind of girl ever be able to muster up. She won't smile when jokes are told, she might not even blink. In short she is a zombie.


The Way To Hot Girl,

Just forget it.

The girl you are able to get.

The Dream Girl,

The dream  girl is that girl that you see everywhere, and somehow keeps coming back into your mind. You know little about her, but you know she is so sweet, special, cute, smart, interesting, etc. Yet you hardly know her name, but you imagine it must be wonderful.

It basically means you have become desperate and are now falling for any girl that says hello to you.

Your balls are blue, and are singing to you.
Let there be some fun, let us be gone.
Girl we need attention, we need some love and care
We would like to mention, that we got love to spare
So come on down, and see what has gone uptown
For the love will last a minute, and then I'll shoot
Not sure what rhymes with minute, so bye


So when you know you are here, stop, think and do not act on what your small brain is telling you. Remember the ugly picture? You will believe she a freaking photo model once blue balls and alcohol start to mix. So put down the beer goggles and move on.

So what girl should you talk to, what should you say. Got no clue.

Well friends, what did I learn today? I suck at writing dating guides.

See you at the dating scene!